The Selfish Side of Self Improvement

Over the last few months, I’ve lost 25 pounds. No one has noticed.

I feel like this wouldn’t bother a lot of people. A lot of people lose weight to please themselves only, because they want to be healthier, because they’re making an effort to take care of their bodies and the result is its own reward.

But I’m losing weight because I want to look hot. And the most important part of looking hot is other people noticing it.

Why is it so much to ask that everyone in my life drops what they’re doing to pay attention to me?

I mean, throw me a bone. Do you know how many haircuts I’ve pretended to care about over the years? It’s what you’re supposed to do, guys.

But maybe it’s because people get so weird about weight loss. No one wants to say, “Wow, you look great now that you’re thinner!” Because that’s going to sound like, “Wow, you really used to look crappy when you were fatter!”

You know, because it’s such a huge surprise to me to find out that I didn’t look good when I was fat. I might die of the shock, right?

Maybe everyone has noticed and is just being really sensitive to the fact that I could have been ill, or I could have an eating disorder, or is trying not to sound like they’re hitting on me by giving an overly physical compliment.

Which is nice, but it’s the opposite of what I want. I’m only losing weight because I want everyone to make a big deal over how great I look.

My mirror, my scale, and my measuring tape are telling me I’m making progress. But the rest of the world is telling me that me accomplishments aren’t worth commenting on.

Is it a little needy and insecure that I can’t be happy with myself without external validation? Sure. But I don’t know what else you expect from the kind of person who only tries to lose weight because they want to look hot.

Now, I shouldn’t need to say this next thing. Both because I should be more self-sufficient, and because you should be doing it already. I shouldn’t have to ask, but I will:

VALIDATE ME, GODDAMMIT.

 

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